Why Most Guys Suck at Flirting

“Excuse me, I know this is kind of random, but I just saw you, and I

just wanted to say that I think you’re really beautiful…”

Sound familiar?

90% of guys who are learning how to approach a woman, especially in

the pickup community, think that if they are completely honest about

their physical attraction to her, then she will suddenly fall for


They call it the “direct approach.”

Yes, the girl will feel momentarily elated by the compliment, yet with

the most attractive girls, the direct approach is ineffective. But if

you want to know how to approach a girl you don’t know, then pay


Am I saying that every time you show intent, she won’t be open to

talking to you?


If a girl is from a place where she isn’t often validated, like a

small town or a Scandanavian country, or she’s single right before

Valentine’s Day, she will be more open to a direct approach. So

there are a few cases where direct approaches can work: 1) if the girl

isn’t validated very often, 2) if she’s available and open to

dating new guys, or 3) the guy is high value or her type.

However, if you want to give yourself a better chance with most girls,

especially the most attractive ones, you shouldn’t rely on the

direct approach.


Intent and investment.. Let me explain.

Have you ever been complimented by a kiosk salesman? Maybe he will

say, “hey, I like your shoes bro! Where’d you get them?”

You’ll say thanks, but you’ll keep walking because you know he’s

just trying to sell you a cell phone case from his kiosk.

Likewise, when you tell a girl that you like her without having even

met her yet, this will set off red flags. Typically, if an attractive

girl gets hit on multiple times per day, she will assume that you’re

the average of the last 100 guys that have approached her. Unless you

immediately bring something novel or new to the table, like you show

your intent in a funny or creative way, then she won’t give you the

time of day. She’ll just send you off with a polite “I have a


Most guys spend hours trying to come up with a counter response to

“I have a boyfriend.” What these guys don’t realize is that once

they’ve heard those words, he’s already set off a red flag.

She’s already categorized him as “one of those guys,” meaning

another guy who is trying to get in her pants. Especially if she is

attractive, then she simply doesn’t want to waste time talking to

another guy hitting on her.

So am I saying to never show intent to a girl? Not at all. Let me talk

about investment.

Most guys show too much intent too quickly. Basically, they are

playing their hand with their cards face up.

By saying “Hey, I just saw you, and I think you’re absolutely

gorgeous!” is giving her a lot of validation without her having to

earn it.

Every girl has a validation sensitivity. For some girls who aren’t

complimented very often, either they are less attractive or in a

geographically conservative or isolated region, then they will be more

receptive to a validating comment. If, instead, you compliment a

brunette bombshell in Hollywood, you’ll usually get a quick “thank

you” as she rushes past you.

Imagine if you were the world’s wealthiest man, and a few times per

day, strangers would come up and compliment you, act really nice

towards you, and then ask if they could have a bit of money. You might

feel charitable for the first few weeks, but then after a month,

you’d be more prudent with your handouts. Just as prudent as women

are when you ask for their number.

So how should you approach?

Well, if you were the wealthy man, you’d just want to meet someone

who was fun to hang out with without him or her necessarily wanting

money from you. Imagine someone who joked around with you, teased you

like a good mate, and was adventurous. You’d definitely want to see

that person again because most people just try to be nice to you to

ask you for money. Consequently, you’d ask for that person’s

contact info and set up a time to hang out.

This is what girls are looking for too. They want a guy who knows how

to make them laugh, teases them, and brings out their playful side.

Let’s say you see a girl wearing a blue skirt with a white top and a

red bow in her hair in the bookstore, and instead of saying, “Hey, I

just saw you, and I just wanted to say that I think you’re really

beautiful,” you say, “What’s up Sailor Moon, trying to get some

reading in today?” If you know what to say to a girl and you’re able to tease her and make her laugh,

you’ll automatically separate yourself from just “one of those


And when you actually do compliment her after you’ve established

coolness and savvy, she’ll feel touched rather than creeped out.

So the next time you see a beautiful girl, be empathetic and realize

that she doesn’t just need someone to compliment her, she wants a

man who can give her an experience that goes beyond just an

observation about her looks and a stale “getting to know you”


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