Confidence. It’s a lost art. Douchbaggery and rampant Alpha Males have ruined many a man’s confidence when he wants to talk to a woman. Have you ever found your self-assurance lacking and asking yourself, “How do I talk to her?”
It’s not rocket science. And it shouldn’t be scary. So go talk to her.
The Top 3 Scenarios Where Guys Have No Clue What To Do:
One: They’re at the gym and they see a lady working out that they want to get to know. She’s busy, listening to music, and obviously means business in the gym. How do you break through that?
Two: You’re at the grocery store and see a beautiful woman, and you suddenly are totally unable to think of anything to strike up a conversation about.
Three: He’s out with his friends, having a great time. Completely confident and secure. Then he sees the stunner that takes his breath away and his confidence is now fleeting. How do you talk to a girl again??
Many times us guys can be confident and secure, talkative and funny. But as soon as we see a woman that blows our mind we can’t seem to think of anything to talk about, right? Have you ever been completely stunned and lost all grasp on conversational ability? It happens to the best of us.
Be encouraged. You CAN be confident, you CAN know what to say, and you CAN learn how to talk to any girl.
Talking To Women—It’s Not Just For Jerks
Jerks come off as confident. And women like confidence. Here’s what my friend Rachel says about jerks:
“Ugh, no we fall for them. They amuse us, entertain us…But when we figure out jerks only love jerks…We realize love is not possible.”
A jerks aura of certainty and commanding presence doesn’t really come from confidence, it really comes from self-absorption. When the only person you care about is yourself, you’re pretty willing to use people to get what you want. When you don’t fear ruining your character’s reputation or hurting others, it’s a little easier to have a “mindless” confidence.
Can nice guys be confident and learn how to talk to a girl? Yes. It’s communication. And like any level of communication, it’s a skill and art that can be learned.
How To Talk To A Girl
Nice guys don’t finish last. If you’re a nice guy, you have a huge upperhand when talking to women.
If you’re ever unsure of yourself or can’t seem to think of anything to say when a stunner takes your breath away, here’s some guidelines to carve onto the back of your hand:
1. Be yourself.
Don’t try to be Ryan Gosling. Or some dude in a rom-com. Like yourself and be yourself. Do you really want someone who’s interested in a phony version of you?
2. Don’t use pick-up lines. Unless…
…there’s already a little “rapport” built. If she hasn’t shown herself to be open and interested to you by giving you multiple sly looks, a cheesy pick-up line can totally dive-bomb your chance to have a smooth conversation.
For example, I have made jokes with people I don’t know at all, and have ended up looking like an idiot.
On the other hand, once I saw this exotic goddess on a plane and I had to talk to her. She’d looked at me a couple times and smiled, and I was so freaking nervous I had no idea what to say to her. So I walked up next to her in the plane (we were already in the air), crouched beside her and said, “Hey, are you a good conversationalist?” She said, “Uh, I think so..?” I said, “Oh that’s good, because I am bored out of my mind over there, and would love to have someone like you to get to talk to.”
So Ms. Exotic Goddess grabbed her little purse and came over and sat by me and we laughed and told stories for 3 hours on our way to New York. I did end up getting her number, and she wanted me to grab a taxi with her to Manhattan on the spot.
3. Approach her from the front
Don’t creepily come up behind her or crowd her space. Let her know your present first, and let her see you coming.
It’s as simple as exchanging looks from across the room a couple times before you dive in.
4. Excuse me…
Don’t let fear of bad timing kill your desire to step up and talk to her. If she’s completely involved in another conversation or something else, make sure to not blatantly interrupt.
I doubt she’s going to stand around being silent for very long if she’s someone you find yourself wanting to talk to. So when it’s a good time to chime in, simply say, “Excuse me.”
5. It’s as easy as saying “Hi, how are you?”
Making a woman feel safe and comfortable is of chief importance if you want to know how to talk to a girl.
After you’ve got her attention, simply say “Hello” and ask how she’s doing—but don’t rush it. Seeming rushed may seem forceful. Calm, cool and collected is much more attractive.
6. Ask her name
Ask her name and tell her yours.
Do you know what people’s favorite word is? Their name. Use it a lot in conversation!
Check out what I put together on mastering How To Remember People’s Names.
7. Loosen up
By now it’s possible you’re still feeling a little up tight. But you’ve already down the home stretch. If you don’t feel comfortable, pretend you are and act like you would if you were. Laugh, smile, be assertive, and keep your body language loose.
8. Talk to her!
What should you talk about? Her. And the same normal stuff you talk to anyone else about when you first meet them.
To go back to our earlier scenarios, here’s what you might talk to a girl about in those situations:
The Gym: How long has she been working out there? What is she working out today? Does she live/work in the area?
The Grocery: Ask her how her day was/is. Comment on the Lucky Charms she’s about to buy and the chemicals in the marshmallows that will make her immortal. Seriously, I have read the labels on products with a woman I had just met and got her cracking up.
Out with Friends: There’s endless things to say but I might say: “So glad you came here tonight. This place was D-E-A-D before you got here.” “Why this place?—I mean, you could probably be at…”
My rule of thumb is just try to be energetic. I know I’m going to say stuff off the cuff that some people will think is funny, and some will think is completely stupid. But if she’s interested at all, the fact that I’m trying to make her laugh will make me likable and help her open up. Women like to be entertained, and it’s flattering when we are trying to entertain them in a nice and respectful way.
9. Ask her out early on
I’m going to give you some advice you may have never heard.
Don’t wait an hour to ask her out. As soon as you’ve started making a connection with her, ask her out then. If you wait until after the conversation is over, after you’ve come down from the “high,” the energy and excitement of the conversation, it can seem awkward and forced to exchange contact info.
If I’m having a great conversation with someone, here’s what I say, “Hey, you’re really beautiful, and I like talking to you. Can I take you out sometime?”
She’s either gonna save me from wasting more time right then and there, or she’ll say “Yes.” Then you can keep talking and act (and feel) totally confident from then on.
You may not believe me—I don’t ask for a woman’s number. I just keep the conversation flowing like me asking her out is completely normal. And literally 100% of the time women have said, “So, do you want my number?” And I simply say, “Sure,” take the number, and shoot her a text right then or maybe 10 minutes later. If it’s a place like a gym, grocery store, or even where I get my haircut, I’ll ask when she’s usually free, then tell her I’ll get ahold of her. Then I let her go. Usually that builds a bit of intrigue.
What next? Well, I don’t play the stupid 48 hour waiting game. If it didn’t happen in the conversation, I’ll text her that same day and try to figure out when we can get together.
How NOT To Talk To A Girl
Don’t be the Alpha Male
Alpha Males put other people down to make themselves better looking in the eyes of a lady. She’ll see through that shallowness in a second.
Take your time. Remember, ladies love cool, calm and collected. Allow yourself to pause before saying something. It’s normal in every other conversation, right?
Why So Serious?
Don’t be too serious or look too serious. Smile more. And don’t freakin’ talk about ultra deep serious stuff either.
Don’t tease her
Unless you know what her humor is, you can totally look like a jerk if you start teasing her right away. If she’s sensitive, or simply doesn’t know you, this can be a major turn off.
Go Talk To Her!
Now that you know how to talk to a girl, go talk to her! Don’t let hesitation devour your night! When you have a chance to say “Hello,” be friendly, and do just that. Strike up a conversation, be confident, and get her talking.
[Featured image courtesy of www.sheknows.com] [Joker image courtesy of Legendary Pictures]