The question we must ask is, do manners change with time? We do know that manners vary according to cultures. Without trying to offend anybody, just think about how women are treated in certain countries; this tells you how subjective the word “manners” really is.
As we speak of the good ole U.S. of A, certain traditional manners are still in use by the so called Modern Gentleman.
I myself, still do my best to stand true to these time tested mannerisms.
- Being on time for an appointment/date.
- Dressing appropriately for the occasion.
- Complimenting date/spouse.
- Holding the door open for a lady.
- At dinner, pulling out the chair for your date/spouse.
- Opening the car door for your date/spouse.
- If answering the phone taking the conversation away/outside
- Treating others the way you’d like to be treated
- Ladies and Children first
- Saying “Please” and “Thank you”
I believe that these mannerism have, and will always be relevant to any modern gentleman’s repertoire. Having said that, lets talk about communication.It’s surprising that in a era where we have so many communication devices such as smartphones, text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, the Internet, Email, tablets, and of course, the forgotten but still around- land line, we can’t seem to communicate properly. One of the leading reasons for divorce is…lack of communication and not listening.
It’s All About Me!
As a guy that tries to be a gentleman, at times I have to remind myself that the ebb and flow of a good conversation requires listening, as well as talking.
We live in a fast paced world where the “it’s all about me” syndrome is more prevalent than ever before. And lets be honest, there’s nothing wrong with wanting “things.” Things that make you happy, things that make you look good, but monopolizing a conversation with yourself and this content is just bad manners. And if you don’t know by now that the ladies appreciate a good listener and conversationalist then now you know.
The Invisible Modern Gentleman
Generational gaps have caused the modern gentleman some frustration in this plight. Humility is important but far too often it’s mistaken with being synonymous with unimportant or weak. A humble man has earned the respect of those around him not by being brash and rude or flexing his power over others. But by being a gentleman, the respect comes with it. He earned it.
Here’s an example: Practicing manners, that a modern gentleman should, he opens the door for a group of young ladies. The young ladies bolt through the doorway without a thanks or even acknowledging the gentlemanly act. In fact, the gentleman seems invisible to them. There have been times I held the door open for a couple behind me expecting the guy to takeover. Instead he squirmed through and didn’t hold the door for his lady. Neither of them said a word or even glanced my direction. I was the invisible doorman.
A gentlemen will continue to open and hold doors for others because he seeks no reward, it is his nature.
Here’s another example: Etiquette and manners dictate the following conversation. You’re at a restaurant. The waitress takes your order and when ready, serves the food. You say “thank you” and she replies “you’re welcome.” Not so these days, you say “thank you” and she replies “no problem.” Many times I felt like saying “I didn’t realize serving me could potentially be a problem?” Now I know we use no problem synonymous with “no worries” and such. But have you realized that these polite gestures are now considered a burden for some.
It’s Not Easy Being a Modern Gentleman
A gentleman’s manners, modern or not, are being challenged. It’s not easy when women scoff at a man pulling out their chair when dining or holding a door open.
The attitude of the new age is independence.
Is chivalry dead? Only if we give up, and men I implore you – hold fast to the code of manners that guide all gentleman, because the tide will turn.
What’s right will always be right, and exercising good manners is always right. You can’t control the actions of others, only yours. Don’t let the inaction of others define who you are.
As a modern gentleman you are in a elite class of men that still believe in respect and kindness – a legacy that will survive forever.
First image by http://dribbble.com/BrandonLand
Second image by http://dribbble.com/markbirdillustration