What Women Want From Men | 7 Thoughts From Women

what women want from men

I’m far from being a relationship expert. Usually when I write something on romance I get a lot of feedback from one or two ladies. Or as I did this time, go to Facebook and ask 1,800 people their thoughts on the subject at hand. So I went to the big FB and asked, “Ladies, give me 10 ideas on what women want from men,” and I got 41 responses.

Some replies to the “What women want from men” question were so thorough I literally could just copy and paste them below and call them an article. Alas, I’m a slightly harder worker than that. I’ve read through the responses multiple times, and below I highlight the most recurrent themes I heard from women.

Ladies-and Gents-please add your thoughts in the comments on what women want from men!


Women “surveyed” counted thoughtfulness and appreciation as definitions of romance – instead of grand gestures or gifts. It’s really remembering the small details that matters the most.

More than half of the responses to the question “what women want from men” were tied directly to appreciation. As I pondered this, I asked myself, “Why would most of these women feel so strongly about this same point?”

I’m can’t say for sure—I am drawing my own conclusion here. I assume that it came up frequently because many women don’t feel appreciated. Maybe some women are getting appreciated and don’t appreciate their man for it. Maybe some aren’t getting the acknowledgement and affection that they should. I can’t speak to that. Here’s what I can say: women want to be acknowledged, cherished, and recognized more.

This topic of how to make her feel special deserves an article all on it’s own. And we actually wrote on this specifically–twice. Check out these insightful tips on how to make her feel appreciated:

How To Make Her Feel Special Everyday

Gestures To Appreciate Her

Affection, both physical & verbal, listening and talking, doing things I enjoy just for me… and cooking is great. I’m fortunate to have an affectionate guy who loves to cook!  –Diane


More than one lady mentions what women want from men is spontaneity. Dancing. Affection. Kissing. Thoughtful gestures. Just out of the blue. Making moments on the fly. Off the cuff.

Which is funny. I’m literally laughing right now. Do you know how hard this can be once you’re in a routine? Spontaneity in a way takes less than spontaneous effort and planning. So if what women want from men is what seems to be spontaneity–it’s going to actually take some thought, work and preparation on our part!

Here’s what I like to keep note of in the my little yellow iPhone notepad about a girlfriend:

  • “random” stuff she mentions that she likes
  • “random” date ideas she threw out there
  • gifts she mentions she’d like to receive
  • whenever she tells me how she liked something that I did

Oftentimes after having typed it out it’s much easier for me to remember when I run across that gift at a store, or I want to give her some “spontaneous” affection. Just take note to remember what she likes, then “randomly” pull out that thing and do it on the fly.


Many men are familiar with this being what women want from men. But how do we specifically do that, beyond owning a shotgun, an ADT fortified house, and big muscles and a six-figure job to top it off with financial security? Well, that’s not exactly what the women were saying they were looking for from their man.

Here’s a thought that expresses it so well from Ashley:

What do women want from men? A partner. My favorite thing about Brent is protection. He is, unconditionally, on my team…even when i don’t deserve it.

I happen to know Brent, and he’s a pretty strong dude. He also owns a business and brings home some decent bacon. But Ashley doesn’t point to any of that. When talking about protection, she says she finds it in that he’s unconditionally on her side, even when she feels undeserving.

And that’s what true security is-emotional security and consistency. You may not have big muscles, a 10th degree black belt, or a high-paying job to offer someone. But you can offer emotional wholeness and support to your women on a consistent basis.

How else can we practically do this? Well, a lot of ladies I’ve gone out with compared themselves to other women a lot. You know who checks out hot girls more than dudes? Women.

Here’s the deal-many ladies are either judging other women, or judging themselves compared to them. What brings security is letting your woman know consistently that she’s the apple of your eye. She’s the only woman you’ve got eyes for and you don’t want to be with anyone else in the world. So when she’s worried about someone’s opinion of her at the office, or at school, or wherever, she’s gonna trip a little bit less because she knows that you’re opinion of her is so strong.

Here’s a bonus thought:

To feel protected and cared for. When I am really down and Nate hugs me and puts his hand on my head and holds me. That feels safe. Oh…And flirting. We like to know we still got it going on.     –Kimberly

Be Protective Not Possessive

You’re doing things right to be protective. But women don’t want to smothered. And they don’t want a man to be so jealous for them he doesn’t trust them.


Give 100% attention during conversations. Worst ever when a man is multitasking while his lady is talking to him. Just stop texting/typing/etc. for 1 minute to look her in the eye and listen. It shows her that her words are valuable, she is valuable and is worth your time.  –Breanna

What women want from men is more than just compliments and attention. Women want to be affirmed as the whole package. That’s being attentive, listening, affirming her thoughts and what she’s voicing. That means showing her you’re listening  and paying attention. Giving her compliments and an affirming touch only tops it off for the better.

Keep your word

what women want from men

Gotta listen whatever the mood.

If she’s had any sort of dating life, you can count on her having gone out with some guys that have let her down. Women surprisingly put up with a lot of stuff us guys do. But one of things they should never have to put up with is us not keeping our word. This is chief among what women want from men–someone they can rely on and can trust.

So bury the excuses, and don’t promise something you can’t fulfill. Let your “yes” be yes, and your “no” be no.

Listening and Understanding

From my futile experience, women don’t seem to want men to try to figure everything out. They want us to live in an understanding way toward them–even when we don’t understand.

What will it take? A listening ear and a patient heart. Show your lady you care with an attentive ear, and that you’re making your best stab at understanding (by giving her the time needed) even when you don’t “get it.”


Women don’t want to have to do the work and keep it hot all by themselves. If you’ve dated a girl that has what I call “the spice” then you know what I’m talking about. That girl that doesn’t have to be all over you, but you know she’s into you pretty much every second. While that might be ideal and can’t be maintained every moment for 10 years straight, women do want that type of flirting and attraction from her man.  Listen up:

Unexpected affection is my favorite. For instance, I’ll be folding laundry and my husband will surprisingly throw me on the laundry and give me a good smooching. It shows how much he loves me and I LOVE it!  –Joy

And even though a man can instantly be in the mood…it’s harder for women when there soooo much to do. I am always more excited about sex if he helps me with housework first. It’s more enjoyable with a clear mind!  –Sara

Flirting is keeping things alive even in the midst of dull moments and tasks. Clearing up your women’s plate (doing the dishes, cleaning the house, whatever) is going to allow her to focus on your “spontaneous” affection.

Last spring some women conned my buddy and I into watching two episodes of the Bachelorette (it was a 10:1 girl/guy ratio and included wine and dessert so I’m not embarrassed). What was shocking is how many lame dudes this female “contestant” strung along on the show just because they gave her the affection, flirting and the make-out time she wanted. While she burned some dudes that she probably would have been happier marrying.

Here’s a lesson from a show that no one should learn anything from: if you let the days and dates get dry and stale with your girl she may get bored. What women want from men? Flirt with her and make her feel like your new girlfriend even if you’ve been together for 20 years.

What Women Want From Men

A woman’s list could include these thoughts. Then change mid-day. And the list could then change again. As men we’re not supposed to be in a guessing game of what women want from men. Be yourself. Focus on improving that self. Take note of these thoughts from women, and grow in those areas. Be the best man you can be and treat women well. If you’re a good listener and you’re attentive, I’m confident you’ll win your girls heart, and keep winning it over and over again.

Photos by http://www.flickr.com/photos/danielavladimirova/

Did you find What Women Want From Men interesting? You’ll want to check out:

what women want from men

Good Date Gone Bad: Dating Mistakes Men Make

what women want from men

What Women Wish Men Knew








About Todd Mayfield

He's a lover, not a fighter. But he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas.

He works for a series of private schools to advance innovative education to combat ballooning classroom sizes and challenge the status quo of the current public and private education format.


  1. Good post Todd! I think a lot of this comes down to “studying” your girlfriend/wife and finding out what she likes and what ministers to her. As a husband, you should be doing this daily but this can reveal a lot of what she might want or like. I can say that my wife wants many of these things and while not perfect, I try and do all I can. I learned early on in our marriage that my wife loves it when I do the dishes. It may sound odd, but it greatly ministers to her so I do it.

  2. Stacy green says:

    Great job on the article :-)

  3. This blog is fantastic. Now I need to find a sneaky way for my husband to find your blog and start reading it all on his own. He might not appreciate if I just keep sending him articles about how to better understand me because it sends the message that he currently doesn’t. Love him, but some days its clear he still hasn’t figured me out :)

    • Mandy,
      Thank you so much! How’d you find us!
      Ha whenever a lady finds an article like this that they like they say something along the lines of “I need to setup a way for my man to stumble upon this!”

      Now that you’ve shared, my question is..have you verbally expressed to him exactly what you feel about not understanding you more?

      Thanks for stopping by and I will certainly keep an eye on your blog!


  4. “As men we’re not supposed to be in a guessing game of what women want from men.” That does drive me crazy sometimes.If you want me to do something, ask me! And if you want something specific to eat, tell me what it is. Don’t ask me what I want and then reject every idea I come up with until I stumble upon what you want.

    • It took time, but I figured out that I need to be pretty blunt with Mr. PoP sometimes. (And vice versa, actually).

      “I just want a hug. Nothing more.”

    • It’s interesting you point that out. Although it’s good for guys to get this feedback from women, I actually don’t think we should have to read about it online. I think we should be able to have a good conversation about it rather than trying to decipher “clues”.

  5. “Give a 100% attention during conversations” I definitely need to work on that. I find myself constantly thinking about other things when I should be paying attention. Just because it’s not important or relevant to me doesn’t mean I should simply ignore her…she does the same thing to me!

    • Phew, that is a challenging one that takes a decisive effort. What helps is if–even when you don’t physically look like it–your brain is in this deep processing moment about something else and she needs to talk, let her know you need a moment to make the mental switch and then you can give her the full listening attention she needs.

  6. Great idea to ask the ladies. I think with my husband I have to just say what it is that I need him to do. He will walk over a pair shoes all week and not notice they are there when it drives me nuts. I just need to ask him to put them away. Problem solved. Men are not mind readers.

  7. All that my woman wants from me is my wallet.

  8. Great article. To add a little more from a woman’s perspective, check out the below article….

  9. I think I’ll subscribe for my husband. Awesome article!

  10. Sometimes the problem with asking women for advice about what they like, is that they may tell you what they think you want to hear, or may not fully know the full gamut of things that excite them until it happens to them. So as a result, they cannot tell you what they don’t know. (Who could tell you in 2004 that they would enjoy the iPhone? People had to experience it first to see how they felt about it. Same way how women are when it comes to men). They can only go off what some ex-boyfriend did, or what their friend Suzy says she likes, or something her sister said, or mother said.

    So your job as a man is to operate in such a mindset where you introduce your woman to things that she didn’t quite imagine was possible. Operate above her expectations. Set the BAR for her expectations so that if you ever breakup, new dudes will have a hard time exciting her. There are many things a man can do… and one such thing that is quite powerful, but you left off your list (intentionally??) is the orgasm. Women may not like to admit it, but they tend to feel a certain way about a man who can consistently make them cum hard vs other men who don’t quite do things the same way. It’s all about the sensual experience. Sometimes a woman may not even like a guy all that much, but she still comes back for more good sex. Food for thought. But if a man sucks at sex, or he isn’t as masculine as she would like, then she will say she isn’t in the mood or she needs to do housework first before she can be excited or some other lame excuse. But if the guy operates in such way where she craves his (you know) then the problem of having a woman who isn’t all that into sex goes away…

  11. Mark Ross says:

    Pretty interesting article. Nice!

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