I’m far from being a relationship expert. Usually when I write something on romance I get a lot of feedback from one or two ladies. Or as I did this time, go to Facebook and ask 1,800 people their thoughts on the subject at hand. So I went to the big FB and asked, “Ladies, give me 10 ideas on what women want from men,” and I got 41 responses.
Some replies to the “What women want from men” question were so thorough I literally could just copy and paste them below and call them an article. Alas, I’m a slightly harder worker than that. I’ve read through the responses multiple times, and below I highlight the most recurrent themes I heard from women.
Ladies-and Gents-please add your thoughts in the comments on what women want from men!
Women “surveyed” counted thoughtfulness and appreciation as definitions of romance – instead of grand gestures or gifts. It’s really remembering the small details that matters the most.
More than half of the responses to the question “what women want from men” were tied directly to appreciation. As I pondered this, I asked myself, “Why would most of these women feel so strongly about this same point?”
I’m can’t say for sure—I am drawing my own conclusion here. I assume that it came up frequently because many women don’t feel appreciated. Maybe some women are getting appreciated and don’t appreciate their man for it. Maybe some aren’t getting the acknowledgement and affection that they should. I can’t speak to that. Here’s what I can say: women want to be acknowledged, cherished, and recognized more.
This topic of how to make her feel special deserves an article all on it’s own. And we actually wrote on this specifically–twice. Check out these insightful tips on how to make her feel appreciated:
Affection, both physical & verbal, listening and talking, doing things I enjoy just for me… and cooking is great. I’m fortunate to have an affectionate guy who loves to cook! –Diane
More than one lady mentions what women want from men is spontaneity. Dancing. Affection. Kissing. Thoughtful gestures. Just out of the blue. Making moments on the fly. Off the cuff.
Which is funny. I’m literally laughing right now. Do you know how hard this can be once you’re in a routine? Spontaneity in a way takes less than spontaneous effort and planning. So if what women want from men is what seems to be spontaneity–it’s going to actually take some thought, work and preparation on our part! While it would be incredibly cool to just “all of a sudden” gift your lady with something like an experience gift for couples, it definitely takes some planning to clear both schedules.
Here’s what I like to keep note of in the my little yellow iPhone notepad about a girlfriend:
- “random” stuff she mentions that she likes
- “random” date ideas she threw out there
- gifts she mentions she’d like to receive
- whenever she tells me how she liked something that I did
Oftentimes after having typed it out it’s much easier for me to remember when I run across that gift at a store, or I want to give her some “spontaneous” affection. Just take note to remember what she likes, then “randomly” pull out that thing and do it on the fly.
Many men are familiar with this being what women want from men. But how do we specifically do that, beyond owning a shotgun, an ADT fortified house, and big muscles and a six-figure job to top it off with financial security? Well, that’s not exactly what the women were saying they were looking for from their man.
Here’s a thought that expresses it so well from Ashley:
What do women want from men? A partner. My favorite thing about Brent is protection. He is, unconditionally, on my team…even when i don’t deserve it.
I happen to know Brent, and he’s a pretty strong dude. He also owns a business and brings home some decent bacon. But Ashley doesn’t point to any of that. When talking about protection, she says she finds it in that he’s unconditionally on her side, even when she feels undeserving.
And that’s what true security is-emotional security and consistency. You may not have big muscles, a 10th degree black belt, or a high-paying job to offer someone. But you can offer emotional wholeness and support to your women on a consistent basis.
How else can we practically do this? Well, a lot of ladies I’ve gone out with compared themselves to other women a lot. You know who checks out hot girls more than dudes? Women.
Here’s the deal-many ladies are either judging other women, or judging themselves compared to them. What brings security is letting your woman know consistently that she’s the apple of your eye. She’s the only woman you’ve got eyes for and you don’t want to be with anyone else in the world. So when she’s worried about someone’s opinion of her at the office, or at school, or wherever, she’s gonna trip a little bit less because she knows that you’re opinion of her is so strong.
Here’s a bonus thought:
To feel protected and cared for. When I am really down and Nate hugs me and puts his hand on my head and holds me. That feels safe. Oh…And flirting. We like to know we still got it going on. –Kimberly
Be Protective Not Possessive
You’re doing things right to be protective. But women don’t want to smothered. And they don’t want a man to be so jealous for them he doesn’t trust them.
Give 100% attention during conversations. Worst ever when a man is multitasking while his lady is talking to him. Just stop texting/typing/etc. for 1 minute to look her in the eye and listen. It shows her that her words are valuable, she is valuable and is worth your time. –Breanna
What women want from men is more than just compliments and attention. Women want to be affirmed as the whole package. That’s being attentive, listening, affirming her thoughts and what she’s voicing. That means showing her you’re listening and paying attention. Giving her compliments and an affirming touch only tops it off for the better.
Keep your word
If she’s had any sort of dating life, you can count on her having gone out with some guys that have let her down. Women surprisingly put up with a lot of stuff us guys do. But one of things they should never have to put up with is us not keeping our word. This is chief among what women want from men–someone they can rely on and can trust.
So bury the excuses, and don’t promise something you can’t fulfill. Let your “yes” be yes, and your “no” be no.
Listening and Understanding
From my futile experience, women don’t seem to want men to try to figure everything out. They want us to live in an understanding way toward them–even when we don’t understand.
What will it take? A listening ear and a patient heart. Show your lady you care with an attentive ear, and that you’re making your best stab at understanding (by giving her the time needed) even when you don’t “get it.”
Women don’t want to have to do the work and keep it hot all by themselves. If you’ve dated a girl that has what I call “the spice” then you know what I’m talking about. That girl that doesn’t have to be all over you, but you know she’s into you pretty much every second. While that might be ideal and can’t be maintained every moment for 10 years straight, women do want that type of flirting and attraction from her man. Listen up:
Unexpected affection is my favorite. For instance, I’ll be folding laundry and my husband will surprisingly throw me on the laundry and give me a good smooching. It shows how much he loves me and I LOVE it! –Joy
And even though a man can instantly be in the mood…it’s harder for women when there soooo much to do. I am always more excited about sex if he helps me with housework first. It’s more enjoyable with a clear mind! –Sara
Flirting is keeping things alive even in the midst of dull moments and tasks. Clearing up your women’s plate (doing the dishes, cleaning the house, whatever) is going to allow her to focus on your “spontaneous” affection.
Last spring some women conned my buddy and I into watching two episodes of the Bachelorette (it was a 10:1 girl/guy ratio and included wine and dessert so I’m not embarrassed). What was shocking is how many lame dudes this female “contestant” strung along on the show just because they gave her the affection, flirting and the make-out time she wanted. While she burned some dudes that she probably would have been happier marrying.
Here’s a lesson from a show that no one should learn anything from: if you let the days and dates get dry and stale with your girl she may get bored. What women want from men? Flirt with her and make her feel like your new girlfriend even if you’ve been together for 20 years.
What Women Want From Men
A woman’s list could include these thoughts. Then change mid-day. And the list could then change again. As men we’re not supposed to be in a guessing game of what women want from men. Be yourself. Focus on improving that self. Take note of these thoughts from women, and grow in those areas. Be the best man you can be and treat women well. If you’re a good listener and you’re attentive, I’m confident you’ll win your girls heart, and keep winning it over and over again.
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