What NOT To Say To Your Girl – Get Out of the Dog House Today

what not to say to your girl

You didn’t say what you think you said.

Don’t dig yourself a grave. Don’t shove your foot in your mouth. Don’t get your teeth broke (by your own foot or a woman’s knuckle sandwich). I’ve gathered some sage wisdom from men and women to spare you further pain. Don’t open your mouth again without knowing what not to say to your girl.

“You look sick/tired.”

If you’re wrong, you’re in for a beating because you absolutely just insulted your lady. Even if you’re right that she is sick and tired, she probably doesn’t feel pretty. And you just made her feel worse. Boo to you.

The prototypical problem with ignorant men: we think we are stating something insightful, but we’re actually just shoveling out insults. Want to know the principle of figuring out what not to say to your girl? Don’t say anything that can be taken as a backhanded dig, even when you don’t mean it.

“You’re tired?! At least you get to stay at home all day. You’re JUST watching the kids.” –Angeli

Consider it a luxury if you can afford to have your wife raise the children. If you pay someone by the hour to do it, it’s a job. If your spouse does it for free, it’s still a job. That’s a 12-hour, 18-hour, 24-hour responsibility.

Your job may be stressful, but it’s likely you get to take a break, have a lunch. Pukey, screaming children yield no breaks. Make sure to give praise to a woman who’s giving effort all day to grow up your children.

“Let’s go on a diet together.”  -Sean

I asked Sean if this was a hypothetical, or if he had actually stated this to a woman. He said he hadn’t, but guessed that he could see an ignorant fellow thinking this sly idea would actually work.

If you’re going to suggest doing a diet together, you would have been no less obvious to bring home P90X and some Weight Watchers meals and tell her to get to work.

Don’t try to be sneaky and beat around the bush about living a healthier lifestyle. If you and her want to live long lives together, be honest about it. Suggesting you want to be more active and make smarter food choices is not immoral. Don’t let someone make you feel that way. Tell her you’re making some changes, and that it would help you if she joined in as well.

“Aww hell naw you didn’t bring up that B-word again.”

 

“Anything comparing them to your ex.” –Alexis

Yeesh. Who would ever say such a thing?

“The words ‘Always’ and ‘Never.'” –Aaron, Jeremy

Readers Aaron and Jeremy were both on the same page with this. They both pointed out that when we resort to using absolutes, we turn the conversation into defending those absolutes. And it’s impossible to do so. Why try to state, then prove, that you’re lady NEVER does a specific thing? Or is always late? Or is never thankful? That’s over-the-top and is only bound to piss her off.

REPEATED WARNING: This is what not to say to your woman, period. And as a learning tip, don’t say it in any conversation or argument.

Like her face-morning or night, make-up with or without.

“Are you not gonna wear any make -up?” –April

April was onto a pattern here when I asked readers on our Facebook fan page (and my own wall) “What not to say to your woman?” More than one responder stated to not make statements about her appearance to appease her, or to rush her along so you’re both ready to leave somewhere.

“Are you done talking yet?”

Now, I’ll be honest. Ever since I started having long conversations on the phone in junior high have I wanted to say this. Maybe I have said it and made an 8th grade girlfriend cry.

Oh boy. Major divulgence: When I was 20 or something I was on the phone with my girlfriend, and I started a stop watch to see how long she could talk without me saying a single thing or even making a sound. She talked to herself for 20 minutes straight with no interaction from me whatsoever. It was glorious. I was simply astounded. So astounded I shared my excitement with her that it was even possible. Oh it was bad. It was very very bad. Don’t do anything like that. And if you do, keep it to yourself. Why was I such an idiot to think she’d want to know??

“I’m never going to leave you. We’ll be together forever.” -Heath

Heath continues:

Doing that is a premature commitment and causes all kinds of damage to a relationship. Relationships are risky… Most of them don’t pan out. Dating is a time of figuring things out… Seeing if they will work or not. Being honest about this makes for a much more honest and real relationship.

Wrath of a woman scorned…

Let me point out Heath is married and isn’t giving this advice to married guys.

I first heard this advice over a year ago. It was really freeing to know that not only do I not have to profess my undying commitment to a girl I’m dating, I actually shouldn’t.

What not to say to your girl? If there’s one thing, it’s this. Don’t make a promise you’re not actually promising to keep. Really even engagement isn’t a commitment. You’re not actually truly committing and giving your life away to someone until you say, “I do.”

So no matter how much a lady pressures you to tell her you love her and everything’s gonna be alright forever and ever, don’t promise her a never-ending future with you until you’re married. Otherwise, you’re setting up a heart for heartbreak.

Now that you’ve learned What Not To Say To Your Girl, learn How To Make Her Feel Special.

About Todd Mayfield

He's a lover, not a fighter. But he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas.

He works for a series of private schools to advance innovative education to combat ballooning classroom sizes and challenge the status quo of the current public and private education format.

Comments

  1. Print this out, boys. Tape it to your dash board. Commit it to memory. Repeat these rules every day.

    Here’s another one:

    “You probably shouldn’t have another donut.” Yeah, I said that to my wife once. I only said it because I KNOW that when she eats too many that she gets an upset stomach. That’s ALL I meant! I SWEAR! But that’s not how she took it. It’s so obvious now; she thought I meant that she had to lose weight, and didn’t look good. What a mess I made of it!

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      Ouch man, wow that came out of your mouth? Haha you were just trying to protect her stomach and totally dug a hole! Well, I hope she soon accepted your apology.

    • Por supuesto!!!

      It is better do not say anything when we are eating “whatever”, the hell we want to eat.

      Just think when men are drinking “beer”, and then we start saying “you shouldn’t drink another one”. (The answer probably will be “go & f**** yourself, nobody ask you!).

      Note: Do not say things that nobody ask!

  2. Oh, man. Those are some awful ones. I constantly stick my foot in my mouth. Maybe I should get a tattoo with these on it…

  3. lol I know I’ve definitely said stuff to girlfriends without thinking. Guys just think differently and they often don’t expect everything they say to be analyzed in depth. Unfortunately women will read into almost everything you say. I think the key is to know which specific areas your girlfriend is most sensitive about. If your comment is going to tied to that sensitivity in any way…just don’t say it.

    By the way, awesome story about using a stopwatch with one of your girlfriends on the phone. I’ve known girls that could probably match that 20 minute mark too.

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      Well stated, when things come out of my mouth I rarely have the forethought that it’s going to be analyzed at such depth.

      Great thought on knowing what your lady is most sensitive about, and being extra sensitive to her feelings in that area.

      Yeah…that stopwatch. Oh man, why did I tell her?? I think in that very moment I felt kind of used to talk “at” instead of “with.” Haha, doesn’t matter, should have kept it to myself!!

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      Jeremy you’re the best at leaving comments. I don’t know how you do it (leaving so many that actually are thoughtful).

    • “If your comment is going to tied to that sensitivity in any way…just don’t say it.”

      Totally agree!!!

  4. Todd! how come you never taught anything in trailer club?

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      Hmmm that’s a good question. I never asked and never got invited I guess!

      What’s funny is I had spoken at several of the panels for the women, and used to host an annual holiday “cooking” show for the girls hahahah.

      • some of the stuff ive been reading here on your site would’ve been great for trailer club. and dare i say it, might even be more helpful/practical then some of the stuff heath taught

        • Todd Mayfield says:

          Dare you say it???!!!

          Haha thanks man. Yeah, there’s a lot of good principles I learned in TX, but didn’t get enough info on how to pursue a girl, and how to be smart about our day to day interactions with the lady we love.

  5. Haha. Memento tattoos would help. But somehow that reminds me of my dad saying I could get another piercing….if it was a ring holding both of my lips together. Hahah. Oh dad..

    Thank goodness for grace…grace when men blurt stuff out…and grace when women wont stop talking.

    A tip for any ladies reading…don’t interrupt a man. It works great in conversations with your girls..we interject and jump back and forth like pinball and think nothing of it. But I’ve learned that most men feel disrespect when you interrupt them…and respecting your man is the best way to show him love.

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      Oh such good advice for the women readers!!! It’s true, if I get interrupted I really do feel disrespected.

  6. It is also recommended that you not invalidate a woman’s feelings.

    When in doubt don’t say anything at all! Otherwise you need to agree with her and show understanding.

    • Todd Mayfield says:

      It’s true, whether or not if someone’s experience is “reality,” it is very REAL to them because it’s what they are experiencing inside. So we should validate that we can understand the pain, confusion, disappointment, etc they are feeling. And if the moment’s right we can point them to the truth if their circumstances aren’t as disappointing or confusing as they think.

  7. Erica Edwards says:

    Dear fearless men,

    Say what you mean. Women who “put you in the doghouse” suck. Grow some balls and find a woman who can hold her own and stand up to the truth.

    Sincerely, a fearless woman who appreciates candor

    • I think this applies to both genders. You can be honest and tactful. This article deals with tactless ways a man hurts a woman with his honesty, not so much abt being honest or dishonest. Having said that there are also ways in which women hurt men with their tactless honesty too.

      Also, there are honest things that aren’t necessarily kind or necessary – so if all it does is to hurt pointlessly then perhaps just say it in a way that would facilitate the emotional growth of the person, instead of just blurting it out and passing an uncouth remark as ‘honesty’.

      • That’s very well stated Gemini. People shouldn’t ever bulldoze people with their words under the premise of “I’m just being real.”

  8. ooh yes! We love to analyze everything and everyone…….Even if we are not talking literally, you guys need to know that we are talking, thinking in everything in our minds.

    And please do never measure the talking time of a woman………and then tell her.! Not very smart….. But you can tell somebody else is fine, not to our face, that’s immature………..
    Can you see the pattern.???

    • We’ll take your word for it :).
      What do you suggest a man say when he wants a conversation to move a different direction?

      • Well, my suggestion could be:

        1.- Try to break the ice first, smile friendly, avoid being arrogant, be honest about what you would like to talk about “in any direction”, but look for the correct words(synonyms), not too direct & sharp words maybe.

        If the person is following you, you’re are moving the conversation to direction you want.

        I do always prefer honesty & hate arrogance. :-)

  9. The last little bit about forever and promises is important to mention too because it is thrown around so much without thought. We say it a lot but do we really know what it feels like and means when we mean it? When you say, “we’ll be together forever” and “I’ll never leave you” intending to follow those two principles, regardless of the circumstances, it is quite the rush. Devoting yourself, wholeheartedly to another person forever is quite powerful and should be used lightly and rarely.

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