Don’t dig yourself a grave. Don’t shove your foot in your mouth. Don’t get your teeth broke (by your own foot or a woman’s knuckle sandwich). I’ve gathered some sage wisdom from men and women to spare you further pain. Don’t open your mouth again without knowing what not to say to your girl.
“You look sick/tired.”
If you’re wrong, you’re in for a beating because you absolutely just insulted your lady. Even if you’re right that she is sick and tired, she probably doesn’t feel pretty. And you just made her feel worse. Boo to you.
The prototypical problem with ignorant men: we think we are stating something insightful, but we’re actually just shoveling out insults. Want to know the principle of figuring out what not to say to your girl? Don’t say anything that can be taken as a backhanded dig, even when you don’t mean it.
“You’re tired?! At least you get to stay at home all day. You’re JUST watching the kids.” –Angeli
Consider it a luxury if you can afford to have your wife raise the children. If you pay someone by the hour to do it, it’s a job. If your spouse does it for free, it’s still a job. That’s a 12-hour, 18-hour, 24-hour responsibility.
Your job may be stressful, but it’s likely you get to take a break, have a lunch. Pukey, screaming children yield no breaks. Make sure to give praise to a woman who’s giving effort all day to grow up your children.
“Let’s go on a diet together.” -Sean
I asked Sean if this was a hypothetical, or if he had actually stated this to a woman. He said he hadn’t, but guessed that he could see an ignorant fellow thinking this sly idea would actually work.
If you’re going to suggest doing a diet together, you would have been no less obvious to bring home P90X and some Weight Watchers meals and tell her to get to work.
Don’t try to be sneaky and beat around the bush about living a healthier lifestyle. If you and her want to live long lives together, be honest about it. Suggesting you want to be more active and make smarter food choices is not immoral. Don’t let someone make you feel that way. Tell her you’re making some changes, and that it would help you if she joined in as well.
“Anything comparing them to your ex.” –Alexis
Yeesh. Who would ever say such a thing?
“The words ‘Always’ and ‘Never.'” –Aaron, Jeremy
Readers Aaron and Jeremy were both on the same page with this. They both pointed out that when we resort to using absolutes, we turn the conversation into defending those absolutes. And it’s impossible to do so. Why try to state, then prove, that you’re lady NEVER does a specific thing? Or is always late? Or is never thankful? That’s over-the-top and is only bound to piss her off.
REPEATED WARNING: This is what not to say to your woman, period. And as a learning tip, don’t say it in any conversation or argument.
“Are you not gonna wear any make -up?” –April
April was onto a pattern here when I asked readers on our Facebook fan page (and my own wall) “What not to say to your woman?” More than one responder stated to not make statements about her appearance to appease her, or to rush her along so you’re both ready to leave somewhere.
“Are you done talking yet?”
Now, I’ll be honest. Ever since I started having long conversations on the phone in junior high have I wanted to say this. Maybe I have said it and made an 8th grade girlfriend cry.
“I’m never going to leave you. We’ll be together forever.” -Heath
Doing that is a premature commitment and causes all kinds of damage to a relationship. Relationships are risky… Most of them don’t pan out. Dating is a time of figuring things out… Seeing if they will work or not. Being honest about this makes for a much more honest and real relationship.
Let me point out Heath is married and isn’t giving this advice to married guys.
I first heard this advice over a year ago. It was really freeing to know that not only do I not have to profess my undying commitment to a girl I’m dating, I actually shouldn’t.
What not to say to your girl? If there’s one thing, it’s this. Don’t make a promise you’re not actually promising to keep. Really even engagement isn’t a commitment. You’re not actually truly committing and giving your life away to someone until you say, “I do.”
So no matter how much a lady pressures you to tell her you love her and everything’s gonna be alright forever and ever, don’t promise her a never-ending future with you until you’re married. Otherwise, you’re setting up a heart for heartbreak.