We often wonder, “Why is it so hard to make her feel special?” That’s probably why you’re googling it and have stumbled upon this article. It really isn’t that tough to make her day. It is easier than you think but will take a bit of work.
“Gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective and valuable than words.” ~Francois Rabelais
Men too often don’t learn from their mistakes. Some do but often too late. How many dates and relationships must fail before we learn? Wouldn’t it be great if we could learn from the mistakes of those who came before us? Doesn’t matter if they’re under the ground…we just want their wisdom. If only it was this easy…
I’ve frustrated myself at times when I mess up and know I could’ve done better. We’re so good at getting caught red handed. This doesn’t mean we have bad intentions. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s just that once you’re put into action you might forget. When we mess up though, and whether there are consequences or not we need to get back up. That’s what responsible men do. So here are a few life lessons on loving gestures to make her feel special I thought I’d share. This isn’t to point the finger, but rather to hopefully give you a head start and minimize the damage.
Don’t view these as a checklist. If you do then it won’t come out genuine. Think of them as loving gestures to make her day and you must be sincere about it. Put your heart into it. If you’re just checking the box to get something out of it you will be exposed and she won’t like it. And most importantly, do not do these with selfish intentions. A loving gesture must be done out of love and affection, not because you feel guilty about something. If you’re in the dog house, you’ll need to walk an extra mile or 2. These loving gestures are not to help you get away with being a jerk. If you do use them that way she’ll then associate a loving gesture with you being guilty for something. You don’t want to go there.
1) Know Her – Start now because there will be something new to learn every day.
How important is this? It’s an absolute must. What does she like? What does she hate? What does she find difficult? What makes her cranky? What makes her day awesome? Being her man doesn’t just mean being athletic, smart or ridiculously good looking. It means complementing her strengths and weaknesses. But how are you going to do that if you don’t know all there is to know about her? It isn’t hard. Maybe she hates pumping gas or taking out the trash. If she had a horrible day what can you do to change that? Listen and find out.
Learn her love language. I talked about the 5 love languages in my previous article: How to Make Her Feel Special – Everyday | Part I. If she likes gifts then get her gifts. If she likes quality time then quality time it is. It doesn’t matter how you like to receive love. For you it might be doing something nice like fixing her car’s engine, but what she really wants is to spend time together.
Another sure way to get to know her and make her feel special is listening.
2) Listen – Being physically present or “listening” does not mean you’re fully engaged in the conversation.
The funny thing about listening is that we think we’re capable of really listening while also doing something else. We know we can’t multitask. So why do we try listening to her and checking the sports scores? It doesn’t matter if you can repeat it back verbatim. Be honest, you know you weren’t giving her your full attention. You know what else will get you in trouble? “Listening” while she’s talking about something important to her. Not a good idea. And if you’re not sure what the important topics are then you need to get to know her. Women are emotionally different then us and if one of these conversations start you need to pay attention. Now I’m not saying you’ll always know exactly when it’s an important topic. It’s not like she’s going to axe you because you messed up. But don’t make it a pattern or you might find yourself not being listened too. Be respectful. You might have legitimate excuses. I know I have. But what is the end goal? Understanding their perspective and feelings or being right? You decide for yourself.
“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” ~Peter F Drucker
Hold her hand. Give her a hug. Massage her back. If you have children it’s important that they see you guys being affectionate. Affection shows that you care. Don’t make it sexual. Women need non-sexual affection. Hollywood, magazines and most everyone already think that sex is all men think about. Prove them wrong and show her you care. Loving gestures to make her day are all about her, not satisfying yourself. There’s a time and a place and getting naked is not all the time.
4) We’re all students
As a youngster I felt this great need to always be right. I couldn’t even take advice from my sisters or female friends. Guess what? They have some awesome insight and advice. Don’t be too proud to be the student of life and go take some pointers. After all, we already know women are different from men so who better to accept advice from?
“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” ~Robert Frost
5) The little things matter…more than you think
Make her day an important element of yours. Ask how her day went? What about her goals? Did something crappy happen today? These are all elements of her happiness. Instead of asking why she’s cranky inquire how her day went. You might feel tempted to ask and truly need her attention but it never hurts to give a little of your time first.
Think back to a time a friend did something small for you that truly made your day. It was an ordinary day with ordinary crap thrown in it but that small something changed it all around. That’s what you can do for her. Need a clue? Start listening and get to know her. Don’t be discouraged if you’ve been together for years. You’ll continually be learning new things about her. Get excited! Let her know you’re still there trying to make her feel special.
Remember the first time you saw her and wanted to ask her out? Remember all the little gestures you did to win her over? Why’d you stop? She’s still hanging out with you, right? It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Cook her dinner. Go for a walk and watch the sunset. Tell her she’s beautiful. Kiss her. Write a letter. Watch the kids. The ideas are endless if you make it a priority.
You might feel like hitting yourself over the head. Don’t. These suggestions for loving gestures are to encourage and motivate change. I wrote this and still get it wrong. She isn’t expecting you to be perfect either. Put these loving gestures in your back pocket…handy, right where it needs to be and make her day.
“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
[Featured image courtesy of Angelo Gonzalez via Flickr Creative Commons]