Swanson Says: The Best Ron Swanson Quotes

Ron Swanson. Public Servant. Libertarian. Bacon lover. Breakfast enthusiast. Gun owner. He’s a fictional character on NBC’s Parks and Recreation. Regardless, Ron Swanson quotes ring true in reality and inspire men everywhere.

If you’re not familiar with Ron Swanson, here’s a great introduction to him:

The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Best Ron Swanson Quotes

“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys into men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swanson’s. Behold, the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. I’ve been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It’s a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement.”

Poise: Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.

Body grooming: Only women shave beneath the neck.

Honour: If you need it defined, you don’t have it.

Facial hair: Full, thick and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can’t grow it.

Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

Swanson Says-The Best Ron Swanson Quotes:

On Government:

It’s never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teet until they have sore, chapped nipples.

Cursing: There’s only one bad word. Taxes.

On Friends, Enemies, and Women:

I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.

Friends: One to three is sufficient.

Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.

On Work:

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.

On Meat:

When I’m done eating a Mulligan’s meal, for weeks afterwards there are flecks of meat in my moustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. This is your dinner. His name is Tom.

Let me know if I missed any other best Ron Swanson quotes.

Thanks to Ron Swanson Says for much inspiration.

About Todd Mayfield

He's a lover, not a fighter. But he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas.

He works for a series of private schools to advance innovative education to combat ballooning classroom sizes and challenge the status quo of the current public and private education format.

Comments

  1. “It’s never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teet until they have sore, chapped nipples.” Lol! I still nearly cry when I hear this Swansonism. Gotta love Ron Swanson!

    • That entire lesson to that young girl on government and taxes is hilarious! It actually made me sad to think that they really can eat 40%+ of our sandwich and we can’t do anything about it..

  2. Awesome quotes!!!

    “Honour: If you need it defined, you don’t have it.”
    “Intensity: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that”

    When I was a kid I used to think the same thing about 110%. Why is the teacher yelling at me when I say 100% is all I can give?

  3. Swanson for President!

  4. I’ve always been annoyed when people talk about giving 110%.

    • I agree. I was once doing this 50 hr extreme physical challenge called “Emotional Stretching Opportunity of a Lifetime (ESOAL)” and people kept screaming “are you giving 110%?!” And I always said no. If I even give 100% I’ll be dead!

      • Ezra Rodriguez says:

        It is similar to the term ‘Over-achieving’, there is no such thing.
        There are Achievers, and then there are those who call those people ‘Over-achievers’.

        Or ‘Making up for lost time’…Not possible. Its gone, man, its gone.

  5. This is awesome, dudes! Haha! The bacon and eggs one is great. Ron Swanson is great.

    And, “Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.” I”ve said that to people before…well, not said as well as Swanson does, but that idea. 110%? What the hell is that? It’s dumb is what it is.

  6. “In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. This is your dinner. His name is Tom.” #meat

  7. Never heard of Ron Swanson but thank you for the introduction.

  8. Mic Jucha says:

    “You had me at meat tornado.” – From the episode “Flu Season”

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